Have you ever struggled with being seen?
I have known Jesus my entire life. I accepted Him – officially – into my heart when I was 5.
He’s gotten me though the very worst losses and comforted me through every single one.
But there’s this part of me that doesn’t want to bother Him. Even though He wants us to pray about everything (Phil. 4:6-7). Even though His word says we can “Come boldly before His throne of grace,” (Hebrews 4:16)
Even though I’m His daughter, and I can call Him Abba Father.
I miss mine. I had the best Poppie in the world, and I could talk to him about everything. He passed away 7 years ago. And I think it’s been hitting me, especially lately, that it’s really hard not being fully known by someone like that. Even though I’m so blessed with friends and other family… they have theirs and their own. I’m just here. And here is quite lonely when I let it be.
But I’m His. The King of Eternity, the Author of Life, who loved me (and the whole world), so much that He gave His life for me (and the whole world). He knows me, every innermost thought and desire (Psalm 37:4). The Creator. The King. God.
God cares about me and knows me better than any person ever could. He literally knit me.
But I let the lie get to me, that this Creator, this God, even though He cares… doesn’t need to be bothered with me. That He wouldn’t want to hear from me after everything I’ve done (or haven’t done). That I’m insignificant in this race called life.
That if He actually had a purpose for me, I wouldn’t have gone through the losses, wouldn’t have had to go through the droughts… I wouldn’t feel so hidden and, well, lowly.
So why would I bother Him with my voice? Why would I bother Him with my little, insignificant things and desires? I have dreams, I have things I long for and long to do… but perhaps that’s not my destiny because why would it matter?
Those are the lies that Satan attacks with. Those thoughts are from the accuser, the deceiver, and the defeated devil. Those thoughts are not from Jesus.
Those thoughts -that I need to not bother God – are the epitome of what the accuser does. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He comes to make us doubt, feel unworthy, and feel unseen.
And perhaps that’s what I deserve. That’s how this life looks like it should go for me, after everything.
But my Father in Heaven defeated that devil, and will defeat him for all eternity; so why should I listen to a liar when the Author of Creation calls me His?
“If this world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first,” – John 15:18, NIV
He was with me at my darkest. He was telling me, “Do not be afraid,” in one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. He has never left me.
He’s answered prayers. He’s given rainbows and held off rain so I could see His creation (while traveling). He orchestrated the craziest circumstances that would lead to this Floridian finally – finally – seeing snow.
And the other night when my house was overheating and the a/c handler sounded like a sick helicopter, and I was wishing I had a husband because I hated doing this adulting stuff alone…
Jesus fixed my air handler. He literally fixed it, after hours, with no tech appointments available, in the dead of summer.
He literally cares about the smallest details of my life. If He cares about the air conditioning, if He cares about me finally seeing snow, how much more He cares about the bigger things. The biggest desires. The biggest dreams and concerns.
If He can fix an air conditioner, how much more He sees to the more significant matters in my life.
So maybe He’s preparing me. Maybe He’s getting me ready. Maybe He’s reminding me that His timing isn’t the world’s, that His requirements aren’t the world’s… They transcend anything this world has to offer. And His timing, His will, His purpose – it’s perfect.
El Roi.
The God who sees me.
The God who chased down the woman who was abandoned, who had to flee to the wilderness.
He found her. In her wandering, in her questioning. He was there. He saw her.
And He sees me. He sees you.
Bother Him. Go to Him. Don’t hide from Him. Let your Creator be your Father. He sees.
“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me.‘” – Genesis 16:13
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