Tag: God

THE WAY †

The God Who Sees Me

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Have you ever struggled with being seen?

I have known Jesus my entire life. I accepted Him – officially – into my heart when I was 5.

He’s gotten me though the very worst losses and comforted me through every single one.

But there’s this part of me that doesn’t want to bother Him. Even though He wants us to pray about everything (Phil. 4:6-7). Even though His word says we can “Come boldly before His throne of grace,” (Hebrews 4:16)

Even though I’m His daughter, and I can call Him Abba Father.

I miss mine. I had the best Poppie in the world, and I could talk to him about everything. He passed away 7 years ago. And I think it’s been hitting me, especially lately, that it’s really hard not being fully known by someone like that. Even though I’m so blessed with friends and other family… they have theirs and their own. I’m just here. And here is quite lonely when I let it be.

But I’m His. The King of Eternity, the Author of Life, who loved me (and the whole world), so much that He gave His life for me (and the whole world). He knows me, every innermost thought and desire (Psalm 37:4). The Creator. The King. God.

God cares about me and knows me better than any person ever could. He literally knit me.

But I let the lie get to me, that this Creator, this God, even though He cares… doesn’t need to be bothered with me. That He wouldn’t want to hear from me after everything I’ve done (or haven’t done). That I’m insignificant in this race called life.

That if He actually had a purpose for me, I wouldn’t have gone through the losses, wouldn’t have had to go through the droughts… I wouldn’t feel so hidden and, well, lowly.

So why would I bother Him with my voice? Why would I bother Him with my little, insignificant things and desires? I have dreams, I have things I long for and long to do… but perhaps that’s not my destiny because why would it matter?

Those are the lies that Satan attacks with. Those thoughts are from the accuser, the deceiver, and the defeated devil. Those thoughts are not from Jesus.

Those thoughts -that I need to not bother God – are the epitome of what the accuser does. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He comes to make us doubt, feel unworthy, and feel unseen.

And perhaps that’s what I deserve. That’s how this life looks like it should go for me, after everything.

But my Father in Heaven defeated that devil, and will defeat him for all eternity; so why should I listen to a liar when the Author of Creation calls me His?

“If this world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first,” – John 15:18, NIV

He was with me at my darkest. He was telling me, “Do not be afraid,” in one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. He has never left me.

He’s answered prayers. He’s given rainbows and held off rain so I could see His creation (while traveling). He orchestrated the craziest circumstances that would lead to this Floridian finally – finally – seeing snow.

And the other night when my house was overheating and the a/c handler sounded like a sick helicopter, and I was wishing I had a husband because I hated doing this adulting stuff alone…

Jesus fixed my air handler. He literally fixed it, after hours, with no tech appointments available, in the dead of summer.

He literally cares about the smallest details of my life. If He cares about the air conditioning, if He cares about me finally seeing snow, how much more He cares about the bigger things. The biggest desires. The biggest dreams and concerns.

If He can fix an air conditioner, how much more He sees to the more significant matters in my life.

So maybe He’s preparing me. Maybe He’s getting me ready. Maybe He’s reminding me that His timing isn’t the world’s, that His requirements aren’t the world’s… They transcend anything this world has to offer. And His timing, His will, His purpose – it’s perfect.

El Roi.

The God who sees me.

The God who chased down the woman who was abandoned, who had to flee to the wilderness.

He found her. In her wandering, in her questioning. He was there. He saw her.

And He sees me. He sees you.

Bother Him. Go to Him. Don’t hide from Him. Let your Creator be your Father. He sees.

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me.‘” – Genesis 16:13

THE WAY †, Travel, Wander

I Would’ve Missed It

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I would’ve missed it all.

Sometimes there’s snow.

Sometimes there’s a lot of snow. I see it on the news, I hear people talk about it. But as someone from Florida, I’d never seen it. Not even in the rare occasions when it’s snowed in Florida.

I’ve always wanted to.

I’ve seen it on the ground, on mountain trips. By that time it’s nearly solid ice. I think I remember my grandpa pulling to the side of the road so I could scoop up some hard packed snow when I was little.

But the magical white fluff falling from the sky?  Aside from an uncertain memory of my childhood that could’ve involved little flurries, that’s it.

I don’t remember it. And I wanted something I could remember.

I’ve had close calls (re: snow gate in Florida). I’ve been to NYC when it was freezing. I was in awe of icicles but didn’t see any flurries.

Until: God threw me completely off course.

I was supposed to go one way. A way that I had planned. And if I’d gone how I was supposed to, I would’ve missed it. I would’ve missed an answered prayer, and the beautiful snow.

I was supposed to fly to see my cousins. Not even considering it was spring break, and definitely not knowing the Florida Gators were traveling where I was to play a championship game, I’d booked my flight months in advance. I’d seen news of crowded airports – but I knew I’d be way early to it. I’m an anxious traveler, and this trip… I was very antsy of flying.

But I went, and I tried, and every parking lot at the airport was turning people away.

I was frustrated. I was antsy. And I made the most last-minute call of my life. I was driving. I ran by my house, grabbed a couple of extra things – what made me grab my heaviest winter coat, I have no idea (actually: Jesus). Then I drove all the way to Tennessee. (If you’re wondering, I did indeed question my sanity the entire drive up.)

I had the most wonderful time with cousins. We went to the Hermitage, and spelunking at Mammoth Cave National Park. I was supposed to have flown back that Sunday – instead, I was 250 ft below the earth, seeing God’s creation from a whole new perspective.

Sunday night, they had threats of tornados. We even took shelter for a bit. That was a new experience too.

My sweet cousin was able to go in late to work Monday, so we went to breakfast. It had been cold from the storms the night before… But when we were driving, there were little white cotton drops falling from the sky. Snowballs, my cousin called them. I was in awe!

Then, sipping on hot chocolate, my cousin was facing the window – and told me it was really snowing. So, like a child, I ran outside. It was really snowing. It was beautiful! I felt like a kid. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited about something since I was a kid.

Setting out for my drive home, there was snow. Then there was more snow. Thirty minutes into it, I started noticing white on trees – and realized that it was snow, sticking to them. I pulled over at a random state park with a forest and man-made waterfall, and it was a winter wonderland of snow. I took back roads to Helen, GA, and snow – of all shapes, sizes, fluff to sleet, followed me. It was incredible. I was in awe. I was crying because of how God had blessed me, crying because it was so white and so pure and such an answer to prayer.

And I would’ve missed it.

Had I gone the way I’d planned – even though I had anxiety, and it was hard – I would’ve missed the magic. I would’ve missed God’s answer to prayer.

But Jesus knew. And He took a lot of spring breakers, Gators fans, and no parking, to throw me off my course – and onto His.

Because He had this answer to prayer in store for me. And if I hadn’t gone the way that felt right, I would’ve missed the miracle.

He sees things we can’t. He knows things we can’t begin to comprehend. What had started out as something incredibly stressful and challenging (on my end and the world’s), turned into one of the most memorable, magical trips of my life. Spending time with family was a blessing. Going and seeing the upside down of God’s creation was a blessing. Seeing the opening of God’s storehouses laden with snow was such an incredible blessing.

Sometimes Jesus throws us off course. Sometimes it takes some really out of the box things to get our attention, to have blessings and answered prayers.

But when you’re walking with Christ? He’ll do it.

He loves us, He pursues us, He never gives up on us.

I’m not sure why He chose now to answer this prayer, but it was His perfect timing. And it was in a way, through a domino effect of circumstances, where I know, without a doubt, it was Him. All Him. Do I truly believe that the Creator of the Universe would have my trip disrupted to put me on a different course so I can be blessed? The Creator of the Universe is my Father. He loves me… and nothing is too hard for Him. Though I am insignificant in this world, I’m His daughter. He knows me. He sees me. And sometimes… He lets it snow.

Watch for Jesus. Next time something doesn’t go the way you planned, go the way that feels right. Walk into His open doors. He just might surprise you.

THE WAY †

Tomorrow

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I was walking my pup this evening, looking at a beautiful sunset, and murmuring a prayer. One about tomorrow. That no matter who wins, that they’ll come to know Jesus. That God will protect this country, because, no matter the outcome, He’s still good.

Because He is good.

Four years ago, I remember staying up until after 3 am, agonizing over who might be the winner of the election. Praying. Hoping the person I had voted for would win, because apparently the country might implode if they didn’t. I remember watching the news so closely, hearing all of the conspiracy theories and panic-inducing reports.

I trusted in the news, and in the candidate. I believe I murmured something like, “no matter the outcome, God is in control.” Did I believe it? I don’t think I acted like it. It was the year after my grandpa (my last remaining immediate family member had passed), and I was a mess. I depended on my grandparents so much for their wisdom… they were preppers. And I simply didn’t know how to prepare.

So saying that I knew God was in control then… maybe I somewhat believed it, and half-heartedly wondered if He needed me to reason with Him on some things. Pray a little harder.

But now?

Now, I do. No matter the outcome, God is in control. No matter the outcome, we are one day closer to Christ’s return. No matter the outcome, my citizenship is in Heaven, and I’m not of this world.

No matter the outcome, Jesus has the final say.

No matter the outcome, victory – eternal victory – is because of the bloody cross, the empty tomb, and the risen Savior.

Whoever wins tomorrow, I pray that they come to know Jesus. That they fall madly in love with Him. Because He is, quite literally, the only hope this country has. America is so beautiful. I was blessed to go on road trips and see dozens of our national parks. That’s God’s handiwork! He’s blessed this country. He’s saved it so many times through so many things.

But this country is far from perfect. No country is perfect. No earthly leader is.

Only God.

And God, The Almighty, The Great I Am… The only being to whom all glory, honor, power, and praise is due – He is in control.

Not through pride, though He has every reason to be proud. Not through power, though every bit of it belongs to Him.

The Lamb of God, born in a manger. The carpenter’s son who walked our steps, probably having blisters on His feet and no place to lay His head. The preacher and prophet who was mocked by the religious many, scoffed at by those who claimed they knew what His Father wanted. They used the law He’d written to condemn Him.

The friend who wiped away tears. The healer of the broken.

The slain Lamb on a bloody cross, placed in a tomb.

The risen Lion who is alive today.

The more imperfect our earthly leader; may we be reminded of how perfect our Father in Heaven is. May we realize how desperately we need Him, and cling to Jesus with all of our hearts. May there be revivals, and abundant joy.

Because no matter the outcome, the prez-elect will not be perfect. But Jesus? He’s the essence of it. And oh, how He loves us.

““Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living, Just because He lives!”

– Bill & Gloria Gaither, Because He Lives

THE WAY †, Wander

Through Sand & Waves

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It’s amazing how God can use the smallest, simplest things in life to make the biggest impact. Growing up in Florida, I’ve walked by countless sea turtle nests and have never seen a hatchling. Until last night. I’d been dealing with some anxiety and the sun had finally come out after a pretty terrific rain storm – so I decided to do a prayer walk on the beach.

When I was ready to head back to my car, I noticed this tiny thing moving through the sand. My first instinct was that it was a crab. As I grew closer, I saw it was a turtle! A tiny hatchling. Just ploughing its little way through the sand in kind of a zig-zaggy, desperate manner. He looked determined and helpless at the same time.

I glanced around to see if there were more, or to see if I could find its nest – but I couldn’t. I also looked for other people to tell – because this was a turtle hatchling! How cool was this?! There weren’t any people close by. So I just watched as he made his way through the sand, seemingly covering himself with it – with every swipe of his flippers – yet he finally reached the sea. Then I watched – mesmerized – as the waves tossed him a bit – then he took off into the sunset (quite literally).

Then I was in awe. I was in awe of the instincts built into this tiny little creature. In awe that he seemed so determined to reach the ocean, even though he had no idea what it held for him. He had to get there. He somehow seemed to have faith that it would be ok. That it would be good. Even though he was this itty-bitty thing taking on a giant body of sand and crashing waves. He was cool with it. A bit of a hot mess but he was cool.

And Jesus used this little guy to get to me.

This has been probably the hardest, scariest year of my life. Because my whole immediate family is with Jesus, and it’s just me. I feel too young for this – to be left alone in this big world. To, in my mid-twenties, have no parents to ask advice of. To be brave. To handle all the adult things. To not have my precious loved ones to talk to and run home to.

So this little turtle hatchling taught me a lesson. Because, right now, I have no idea what my future holds. I can only handle tomorrow. I have goals and a list of things I have to do. I have dreams of how I’d love to help people learn about Jesus, what I’d like to write and where I’d love to travel. But it’s so unknown! Will the house I grew up in ever feel like a home again? Am I meant to wander for a while? Will I one day be blessed with a family of my own and sweet children I can name after my Mama and Papa? I wish I knew.

But God. God knows.

I have this hope. This one hope. That had I not been able to handle this, God wouldn’t have allowed it to happen. Had I been destined for the melancholy and depression – it would be so easy to fall into that. But I have this hope. That God has a purpose. He placed me here for a reason. Through every heartbreak and tragedy, I’ve ever been through – He has gotten me through. Through every time I’ve messed up, He’s demonstrated His grace in ways I’ve never thought imaginable.

While I might feel at my loneliest and most scared, He’s still right here. He’s never left me or forsaken me. And while I can’t see what the future holds because right now my sea is rough and I’m new to this chapter of my life, it is in His hands. He will see me through. He will bring out the sun and calm the storm. He’ll help me fight through the rough sand and find His peace beyond the waves. All the time, God is good. All the time, His love never fails. When I’m lonely, He’s never left me. When I’m afraid, He’s still in control. When I’m weak, His power works best in my weakness. And while I want to be sad and question everything, He’s still constant and good. Because He is the Everlasting Father who loves His children more than any of us are capable of understanding.

So why do we have to go through rough sand and rougher waves? This world is broken. It’s rough. It’s a fallen world filled with sin.

But we can cling to our faith – cling to our hope, that among these blinding grains of sand and rough waves there’s a Savior who sees. Who knows the future. He holds the keys to eternity in His hands and wants us to have joy on earth because we are His beloved children. He knows the future. Jesus sees. But even while we’re in the midst of sand and waves He’s here with us every step – or flipper swipe – of the way.